Time, time, time, see what's become of me... "Hazy Shade of Winter" is this moments soundtrack. The Bangles' version not Simon & Garfunkel's, though I like that version too. I was thinking about how to get the most out of my time - and then the song started playing in my head.
While I look around for my possibilities, I was so hard to please... that about covers it. Searching for the perfect things to do uses up a ridiculous amount of my free time. There isn't much wiggle room with the time spent on "have to do's". If I've got this one chunk of time today for myself, should I write? Should I go for a walk? Call friends? Watch House of Cards? Finish that book on parenting teens that I've been reading forever. Seriously, my kids will be out of the house before I finish learning how not to screw them up. The damage will already be done, and I will have wasted all that time.
I'll start one thing and then jump into something else. Before I know it, it's time to pick up the kids or leave for that appointment. Damnit! Add a spoonful of procrastination on top of my dish of indecision, and nothing gets done. Wasting my own time is frustrating, but it's unbearable when someone else does it.
Useless time takers tax my patience. Sitting in traffic. Standing in line. Listening to the questions and answers portion of a presentation. This is the most detested time waster. It started in school, when someone would ask a question that had already been answered. I'd roll my eyes and squirm in my seat, while the teacher repeated the information to the kid that should have been paying attention.
It grew in college, when that one guy (or girl) would ask questions for the sole purpose of hearing himself talk or attempting to prove how smart/deep he was. It didn't take long to pinpoint these people. If I saw them gearing up for a self-indulgent soliloquy, I'd sneak out of the room. I just couldn't stand it. I had better things to do with my time.
Now, as a parent, there is nothing worse than sitting in a school meeting when they start taking questions. Yes, someone may ask a question that I'd been thinking about, but this rarely happens. Usually the questions are trivial, or specific to their own child. Why spend all of our time asking things like "When will they bring home their gym clothes?" Umm, when they start to stink. Or "When is lunch?" Surely, they must understand that there is no way for the presenter to know which lunch period will be in their child's schedule, and that all the possible lunch times are listed on the school website. More eye rolling, more squirming. I tell myself if one more person asks one more dumb question I'm leaving. "So when are school pictures?" That date is not set 6 months in advance, and who the hell cares? I'm out.
Don't they know that I have no time to waste on silly questions, that I need that time for my indecision? For reading a little, writing a little, and doing a little of nothing much. I need that time to make lists of the things I need to do today, and then putting them off until tomorrow. Their attempts at wasting my time are sophomoric. I'm the time wastin' fuckin' master.
Day 17
Family: check in on school/homework
Work: make dinner
Writing: write for one hour
Habits: make a to-do list and do it
Whole Health: meditate for 5 minutes
The grade for Day 16 = "B". I put off checking in on school/homework. It never goes well. I wasn't up for it. I'll summons the strength and do it today. I tried to hook up that thing on the floor, but there were too many wires. I did make an appointment to have someone do it for me. I did everything else, including meditating. Didn't get to it until bedtime, but I did it without falling asleep. It was a good transition between doing all those end of the day things and going to bed. Is this the best time to meditate? Do I need a set time to make it a habit? I'll keep working on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment