Being the one who doesn't drink, who does eat gluten, who doesn't eat sugar is tiring to explain. Or maybe it's more that it's boring to hear myself talk about it over and over. Each one of these things is curious to other people. "Are you sure? Why are you doing that?" I feel the need to lay out the whole story. The aches and pains, the depression, the interactions with my medication. It gets personal and out of hand quickly. The look of concern deepens, "Wow. That sounds awful. Is it helping?" This is my opening to assure them I am not bat shit crazy.
"Yes! I can't believe what a difference it's made. I used to feel like I had the flu 2 - 3 days a week, now I maybe have one day a month like that. If I skip cocktails and sugar, I don't get headaches, I sleep better, and I have more energy. It's totally worth it." I smile brightly and see the relief wash over their faces.
Most of that is true, but I'm not always sure it's worth it. To have to have this conversation at every party or get together. To always be the odd one out. To resist all those things I really want. Is skipping this or that the key to be healthy or is it psychosomatic?
If I didn't believe the articles telling me that sugar is ruining my health, could I eat candy and not feel sick? If I ignored the label that says, "Do not drink alcohol while taking this medication," would I still instantly get a headache from a cosmo? If homeopathic doctors hadn't repeatedly told me to give up gluten, would eating a piece of wheat bread make my body ache for days? Maybe ignorance is bliss.
The truth is that the symptoms came first. If I hadn't felt sick, sad, and achy, I wouldn't have read the articles, and gone to the doctors. So are the symptoms in my head - no, they're not. Are the cures? Does it matter, if they work? I would love to prove it beyond a doubt, to know for sure that these sacrifices are totally worth it. For myself, and for those who think it's all craziness. I can't prove it, but I can stop trying to justify it. I can learn to smile brightly and answer those questions with "It works for me," and that's enough.
Day 13
Family: family fun day
Work: get everyone out the door on time
Writing: blog post
Habits: limit complaining
Whole Health: drink water
Ok, I'll fess up. I kind of cheated on the daily goals yesterday. I didn't get a chance to write until later in the day so I picked things I'd already done. Guaranteed an "A". But they were things that I'm working on and I could have easily picked them in the morning. Instead of cheating, I'm going to look at this as evidence that meeting my daily goals is becoming more of an organic experience. Something I do without thinking about it. That this experiment is leading to a higher level of existence. Yeah, that's the ticket.
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